I just can't stand the pain.

the days that we left behind.

ASSALAMUALAIKUM..


dear you,
every each day, i can see you. every each day, i will never fail to look at you. but, why i'm not brave enough to talk to you. i'm not brave enough to come forward and confront with you. what i can do is just look at you from afar and walk away when i see you. i'm not brave enough to see straight into your eyes. am i a coward? 


the laughter, the smiling, and the walk that you make.. every single of them make me remember every each memory that we have before. the memory that we couldn't have again. we can't. and it makes me feel tired and have no desire to stay strong.


the one that got away, honestly from my heart that i let you go. let you go anywhere you want, everywhere you want, and with anyone you want. one word, pain. i can't stand the pain. the pain of losing you. losing someone that used to be my friend, sister, roommate, bestfriend, assistant, advisor, and partner. someone that i can share problems with. someone that i can mad towards. yes you are.


with all my heart, i can't forget you but as you ask me to, only then i do. and now i'm trying to forget you. seriously, it's a hard task to fulfill.


every single morning, it's hard for me to make a move. make a move to class since your room is on a same level as mine. every single morning, i wish that i will not see you. but, what i can do is.. i have to be brave enough to make a new step. i will and must see you. with no intention to do that, but i have to. i have to see you, and what can i do if i walk in front of you is..


act like i never befriend with you.
act like i never know you before.
act like i can't see you.
act like we never close before.
act like what you ask me to do.
act like what you wish to.


dear Emey and Adyn, i will never forget you even you ask me to do that. but, sincerely from bottom of my heart, i will not disturb or interrupt every each second of your life again. thanks for a memorable time that we have spent for 2 last semester. thanks for each moment that we have in Kuantan - Taman Gelora, Berjaya Megamall, East Coast Mall, and Teluk Chempedak. the nights that we have spent overnight together. the days that we have spent at Kluang, Johor. it is priceless. no money could pay for it.


we have a lot of plans that we make for three. but, we fail to make it into a real one. sorry for that. sorry for leaving you before we can do it. if the 'happy ever after' did exist. i wish i can hold your hands tightly and never let go.


i can't be a selfish person to ask you to don't walk away from me. don't ever make a move to leave me. it's all because, everything has changed. totally changed. it's not easy to forget someone that used to be together with us. so, gimme some times to learn to forget you. it seems like i need a lot of time. sorry for the inconvenience.


nota kaki: sorry for the names that have been mentioned. honestly, bukan senang nak jalan depan korang then buat macam memang tak kenal dari awal. bukan senang nak pandang lain bila terang2 korang jalan depan aku. bukan senang nak buat2 cakap ngan orang lain bila aku nampak korang. aku memang bodoh kan buat entry ney then reveal aku punya weakness. no any other niat for this very own entry. just nak luahkan apa yang tak terluah. nothing much to spread. nothing much to show-off. enough is enough for the time being.