Forgive and Forget.

Starting a brand new day! Become more heartless. More serious person. More boring one. The old me has gone. Nothing can be done to have her back. Me myself can do nothing on that matter. What are the most important for me now is of course my study. Is it make any sense? Betul ker ney. Konon nak study tapi stay dalam bilik layan the vampire diaries all day long. Seriously, itu treat untuk aku bila bosan and I have to spend some of my time for my dear roommates. I’ve started my timetable. Not a real one. I never have one actually. so aku just study apa yang aku rasa ‘eh ini kena study ney.’ Final examination just around the corner. So should I goofing off all the time? Kesian mak ayah. Hantar sini suruh study, tapi aku habiskan masa ngan tido then waste my tears on something stupid which don’t deserve on that.

You have to:

Be thrifty

Read notes

Eat on time

Clean your room space

That’s all I need to do. Tu lah to-do-list aku hari hari. Semua dah aku follow except for ‘be thrifty’. Im fucking failed on that task. Susah nak berjimat. Aku tak tawu macam mana nak buat bagi aku ney aware bab duit duit.

Last few days, aku punya test BIS disaster gila. Horribly saying that set 1 seriously shit susah! I’ve prepared for the test a week before, yet still the questions confusing me. Nampak sangat aku baca tade apa yang masuk utak. Im not well prepared enough. Aku rasa markah banyak gila hilang. Frustrated!

 YOU

You were there to light my day

you were there to guide me through

from my days down and on

I'll never stop thinking of you

How can I forget all that

when you're the one who make me smile

you'll always be a part of me

how I wish you were still mine

Never will forget the day

how we've met and came this far

we all know we got this feeling

but somehow it has to end up here

I know it's me who said goodbye

and that's the hardest thing to do

cause you mean so much to me

and guide the truth from me to you

For all the things I've done and said

for all the hurt that I've cause you

I hope you will forgive me baby

cause that wasn't what I mean to do

You were there to light my day

you were there to guide me through

from my days down and on

I'll never stop thinking of you

How can I forget all that

when you're the one who make me smile

you'll always be a part of me

how I wish you were still mine

Forgive and forget. Yes I guess I did it well. I’ve forgiven him…and forget him at the same time. He helped me on that task. He helped me forget him in easier way. Thanks much lah atas kejadian tu. Sekarang ney kau patut tarik nafas lega lagi gila sebab my mind is absolutely zero about you. Aku dah tak pikir langsung pasal kau. Either sihat or jahat. Either normal or not, its not my problem. Aku pandang kau pun dah kosong. Macam the feeling for the very first time u joined our class in 2^nd semester. Its kinda same..i mean the feeling. The different is only dulu kau diam tapi sekarang kau energetic. Pada aku u’re only a group member of mine. Not more. A friend? Hanya atas nama. Not truly a friend since we’re not having normal interaction between the two of us aite. So, is it legally to say that u were my friend? Is it cruel enough huh? I don’t think that u care about it at all. U’ve everything. A lot of friends surround u. so why should u ever appreciate what I’ve done. This is not a serious matter actually. just put it aside. Im not going to ruin my life as u have helped me out once. U shown me that u’re really not deserve for me. I deserve better. U helped me see u in a very cruel side of u. nothing to hide here. Im already forget all the things. The card, the only card. Do u remember what u’ve done on that card? Oh aku rasa aku tak patut still panggil benda alah tu card sebab it’s rubbish actually. mula dari awal sampai lah sekarang. Itu memang sampah. I should never give u that kinda rubbish i guess. Tapi kalau aku tak bagi, memang sampai sekarang lah aku rasa yang aku ney keep thinking of u. serabut kan. And here proudly thanked to that rubbish. It reveal ur real feeling. I feel nothing, but disgust with myself once I stare at the crumpled card. Yes, u’re not the one who crumpled that rubbish but me. But u’re the one who left it all alone at somewhere u totally should know. Its not ur fault, no worries. The old story is nothing to fear of. Apa yang kau buat tu tak salah pun. U’ve ur right to do it. u’ve ur right not appreciate others. That’s ur right. And I’ve my right to state here that its not proper to do that. It hurts others feeling. Sepatutnya kau tawu mana nak expel benda tu. Tong sampah kat hostel or u can flush it off in toilet bowl. Somewhere yang aku takkan ada chances nak jumpa. At least aku tak tawu kalau kau buat macam tu kan. Aku tak tawu kau buat tu with intention or unintentional, tapi im very appreciate on that. It makes me gradually forget all the things about u. dengan hati yang ikhlas, terima kasih.

A few weeks left. I’ve started to try reading my notes. It works. It run smoothly, tiba tiba rasa suka membaca. Hopefy, still not so late. Ayem tanya bila nak naik stage. Kalau lah aku confidently cakap that this sem I will make it. bukan not confident enough tapi baru start baca notes then aku sendiri rasa loser sikit sebab paper apa yang masuk final pun aku tak tawu. Useless!

nota kaki: one day late in wishing you happy birthday, yet still remember yours and here happy belated-birthday capital hesh bee. yes, u deserve much more better.