Unspoken words.

14:48

i don't know what to do. everything seems dull in this little room of AP 0221. nothing can make me happy anymore. all i want to do is going back to my hometown and seeing my parents. my siblings. mood is always swing, dia tak pernah kisah masa, bila, kat mana mana pun dia berubah ubah. kadang kadang tu aku tarik muka ngan kawan kawan. bila dorang tanye kenapa aku muka macam ada masalah aku pun tak tawu nak jawab apa. benda tetiba jadi. tarik muka tanpa sebab. mood berubah tanpa approval aku. apa aku boleh buat? terima seadanya. 

6th November

say goodbye to dear capital hesh bee. it was our final meeting i guess. final meeting for this semester and maybe for this year. final meeting as a group member. final meeting as a classmate. final meeting as a stranger. i don't think we're going to meet again in our next semester since i know you're about to leave our class for some other reason. i know that it's the best way to walk on. i'll pray the best for you. i never hope anything more from you since i'm always remembered on what you've done to me before. everything could be just fine if you get your ass off. i never be the same, just like you. i've tried everything to be as professional as i could. i've stayed in our group 'till our last task. i've given all my commitment to our group. i hope that i did it well. i hope that everyone in our group happy with what i've contributed. the truth is i want to talk to you, but it seems like nothing can be done anymore. we're being awkward since the last thing that happened between me and you. i do appreciate that you're being professional too, giving all your best for our group assignments. thankyou. and i do admit that i don't hate you because i can't hate you since it's hard to hate you. the last thing that i've done to you was painting on your face for our roleplay. i feel nothing, but honestly deep inside i was really miss you. yes, with no doubt i'm saying this, i do have a special feeling towards you 'till now. but i strongly believe that the special feeling is nothing if i have to lose my friends and how i wish that we never had any special relationship before. how i wish that you never had any special feeling towards me before. how i wish that we're always can be friend. how i wish that i could pinch you like i used to. how i wish that we could spend time together like we used to. the same day on last semester i still remember that we're still in a good condition. waiting for the final and we always talked to each other. saying weird things towards each other. like a sister and a brother. it's a weird feeling, yes i do admit that i got that feeling long time ago. it was something that couldn't be voiced out using spoken words. it something more than that. honestly, i still got feeling for you but will never ruin your new relationship since the one you have right now is of course much better than me. i can see that and you're lucky to have her. what i can say right now is i'm fine. day by day, gradually change to a better one. me is quite impressive, manage to control my heart using my mind. special thanks to the greatest one, Allah for helping me. He help me a lot in this heart matter. i don't want to be your burden anymore. anything that i updated in my blog just something that randomly come from my mind. nothing can be worried about. what written here, just leave it here. don't bring it outside. here i wanna advice you to take a good care of that little cute girl of yours. what done is done.

"don't cry because it's over, smile because it's happened."

i wish that i could meet a magic hole called portal, so that i can reverse all the things and going back to the old days that we had. i'm really wish on something stupid like that could be happened in my life. perhaps.

9th November

"Apalah ertinya hidup, jika hanya lahir dengan kad pengenalan beragama Islam, tetapi tidak mengamalkannya."

the words that i read on somewhere. dan jujurnya aku terasa. jujurnya aku malu ngan diri sendiri. malu sebab aku tak jaga diri aku baik baik. banyak benda yang aku nak cuba ubah tapi banyak jugak kekangan. aku harap aku dapat ubah diri aku bila bila secepat yang mungkin. aku berharap.

jujur ini aku,

tyra