Masa: saat, minit, dan jam.

Dengar ecan sembang ngan kawan dia kat phone. Kawan dia tak dapat nak lupakan ex dia. Semua perlukan masa. Ya, apa ecan cakap semua betul. Bila kita break or terpaksa lupakan someone yang kita sayang memang sakit dia Allah jer yang tawu. Betapa sakit hati macam kena tikam tikam kat dada. Betapa banyak masa yang perlu di-spend untuk lupakan dia. Semua main masa.

Even kawan terbaik kita nasihat macam mana pun, it’s hard to take it as a serious. Semua nasihat yer betul. Masa depan penting. Study penting. Still ada mak ayah. Kita jer rasa. Sakit dia, ya Allah betapa hebat rasa dia!

Apa yang kita perlu cuma masa dan ruang. Masa bukan sikit nak lupa. It takes billions seconds to count to forget someone. Kalau takat dalam masa 2 3 hari nak lupa memang tak lah. Nak nak lagi kalau hari hari duk kena hadap muka dia. Memang lagi lama lah cerita dia. Kira kena bersyukur bila dah break dia lesap dari mata. Dari kena tengok dia hari hari then kena pujuk hati jadi kuat. Kena pujuk hati kata ‘aku okay, aku kuat’. Kena jadi betul betul tabah.

Semua orang couple dan semua orang break. So benda tu dah jadi biasa. Some people might say that way. Tapi cuba kau rasa apa aku rasa. Bagi yang senang senang cakap ‘ala bukan apa pun, nanti jumpa orang lain lupa lah’ tapi kau tawu ker bila benda tu nak jadi? Bape lama masa yang kena spend untuk masa tu tiba? Tak pasti kan. It takes a lot of time!

‘study lagi penting kot, tak payah pikir sangat lah’ kalaulah kepala kita ada button pause boleh lah kita pause tak nak pikir pasal dia then start study. Susah kalau kita dah sayang. Nak lupakan someone tu memang tak mustahil tapi betul betul kena sabar. Sebab ia memerlukan masa. Masa yang sangat sangat lama.

Kecuali bila kita ada sebab dan benda yang buat kita lupakan dia. Something yang dia buat yang buat kita rasa benci then takde perasaan kat dia. Maybe dengan tengok something kita bagi kat dia yang kita dah put effort on it dia buang macam tu jer. Or maybe kita dah show-off yang kita suka then sayang dia tapi dia ignore buat macam kita ney bodoh kat mata orang lain. Kita sendiri yang rasa. Kita sendiri yang buat keputusan. Takde sape yang akan buat keputusan untuk kita. Takde sape yang akan tolong kita sedapkan or senangkan hati kita melainkan kita sendiri. Takde sape yang akan bagi kita jalan macam mana nak lupakan dia dengan cepat. Sebab semua main masa. Semua main perasaan dan hati.

Kalau kita tak ikhlas nak lupakan memang lagi lama kita nak lupakan. Apa boleh buat, just tunggu jer lah. Nikmati masa masa kesengsaraan tu. Bukan senang nak dapat. Bukan senang nak acah acah drama. Keluar air mata dalam bilik. Atas katil sebelum tido. Bangun pagi mata merah bengkak. Tengah tengah study air mata meleleh. Duduk bawah shower 2 3 jam. Termenung dalam tandas tengok pintu. Baca nota 2 3 kali tak paham paham. Duduk dalam class gaya macam focus tapi tak pun. Kepala ligat pikir pasal dia. Nak nak lagi satu class ngan dia. Memang neraka gila lah hari hari yang kena hadap. Dah lah lupa tu pun nak ambik masa. Satu class pulak, masa yang memang lama kena ambik jadi lagi lama. Tapi nak buat macam mana, sape yang akan tolong kita? Kita jugak kena hadap sendiri. So, be strong!

Kita boleh nak story kat sape sape, bagi lega sikit. Tapi takat tu jer lah. Lepas tu still kena tanggung sendiri. Sakit tu. Ada ker beralih kat orang yang kita story tu. Sikit pun tak. Alih alih balik kat kita. Tapi kira okay lah sebab berkurang. It’s okay, lama lama memang boleh lupa. Yakin pada masa. Allah sentiasa ada. Masa panjang lagi, banyak lagi homo sapien lain kat luar tu. Bila tiba masa tu masa kita dah ada someone else baru waktu tu kita terpikir “aku tak rugi apa apa hilang dia”.

Nota kaki: 2 assignments left. Broadband buat pasal. Plan birthday-celebration buddies. Cari hadiah bestie. oh September!

#3

it's a long long term of days since aku storytelling about my dear 1st semester's crush. who's that chicken huh. you already knew kan, amir habib aka capital ey hesh. so here amir habib on the floor. he's good. setakat ney still berhidup lagi. cuma longgar longgar lutut katanya. hey amir, wanna lend my hammer? i have one in my cupboard huh. kidding! 

26 September of 2012.

he's off. eh did he died? so exactly bukan selamanya. ini bukan sinetron pepetang keluar terkejut terkejut. he's off to Kulim, kasukma matter. sport guy biasalah kan *muka berlagak* haha, gaya macam aku jer yang gi lawannya. dengan kaki berlututkan tulang longgar, silalah do the best!

oh guwa rompak lu punya snapshot lagi. eh why the guy beside you looked so lame? dasar muka p*****ap lol ..oh hohohoho, no offense :D

kill that idiot named schenker, hyah hyah!

here the timetable for his game! take a look lah buddies, nanti bagi support.
text lah dia kata kata rangsangan :)

amir, azim, ku - do the best!

please remember this dear uols, menang kalah belakang kira. just enjoy your game and give your best. u've to give to get back aite. so, the important part is here: enjoy your 5 days off of horrible classes. sudden death statement huh, is it make any sense. oh pure loser lah tyra.

"Gubai ..have a save trip lil red devil"

nota kaki: till then, take care of your knee-head :)

Forgive and Forget.

Starting a brand new day! Become more heartless. More serious person. More boring one. The old me has gone. Nothing can be done to have her back. Me myself can do nothing on that matter. What are the most important for me now is of course my study. Is it make any sense? Betul ker ney. Konon nak study tapi stay dalam bilik layan the vampire diaries all day long. Seriously, itu treat untuk aku bila bosan and I have to spend some of my time for my dear roommates. I’ve started my timetable. Not a real one. I never have one actually. so aku just study apa yang aku rasa ‘eh ini kena study ney.’ Final examination just around the corner. So should I goofing off all the time? Kesian mak ayah. Hantar sini suruh study, tapi aku habiskan masa ngan tido then waste my tears on something stupid which don’t deserve on that.

You have to:

Be thrifty

Read notes

Eat on time

Clean your room space

That’s all I need to do. Tu lah to-do-list aku hari hari. Semua dah aku follow except for ‘be thrifty’. Im fucking failed on that task. Susah nak berjimat. Aku tak tawu macam mana nak buat bagi aku ney aware bab duit duit.

Last few days, aku punya test BIS disaster gila. Horribly saying that set 1 seriously shit susah! I’ve prepared for the test a week before, yet still the questions confusing me. Nampak sangat aku baca tade apa yang masuk utak. Im not well prepared enough. Aku rasa markah banyak gila hilang. Frustrated!

 YOU

You were there to light my day

you were there to guide me through

from my days down and on

I'll never stop thinking of you

How can I forget all that

when you're the one who make me smile

you'll always be a part of me

how I wish you were still mine

Never will forget the day

how we've met and came this far

we all know we got this feeling

but somehow it has to end up here

I know it's me who said goodbye

and that's the hardest thing to do

cause you mean so much to me

and guide the truth from me to you

For all the things I've done and said

for all the hurt that I've cause you

I hope you will forgive me baby

cause that wasn't what I mean to do

You were there to light my day

you were there to guide me through

from my days down and on

I'll never stop thinking of you

How can I forget all that

when you're the one who make me smile

you'll always be a part of me

how I wish you were still mine

Forgive and forget. Yes I guess I did it well. I’ve forgiven him…and forget him at the same time. He helped me on that task. He helped me forget him in easier way. Thanks much lah atas kejadian tu. Sekarang ney kau patut tarik nafas lega lagi gila sebab my mind is absolutely zero about you. Aku dah tak pikir langsung pasal kau. Either sihat or jahat. Either normal or not, its not my problem. Aku pandang kau pun dah kosong. Macam the feeling for the very first time u joined our class in 2^nd semester. Its kinda same..i mean the feeling. The different is only dulu kau diam tapi sekarang kau energetic. Pada aku u’re only a group member of mine. Not more. A friend? Hanya atas nama. Not truly a friend since we’re not having normal interaction between the two of us aite. So, is it legally to say that u were my friend? Is it cruel enough huh? I don’t think that u care about it at all. U’ve everything. A lot of friends surround u. so why should u ever appreciate what I’ve done. This is not a serious matter actually. just put it aside. Im not going to ruin my life as u have helped me out once. U shown me that u’re really not deserve for me. I deserve better. U helped me see u in a very cruel side of u. nothing to hide here. Im already forget all the things. The card, the only card. Do u remember what u’ve done on that card? Oh aku rasa aku tak patut still panggil benda alah tu card sebab it’s rubbish actually. mula dari awal sampai lah sekarang. Itu memang sampah. I should never give u that kinda rubbish i guess. Tapi kalau aku tak bagi, memang sampai sekarang lah aku rasa yang aku ney keep thinking of u. serabut kan. And here proudly thanked to that rubbish. It reveal ur real feeling. I feel nothing, but disgust with myself once I stare at the crumpled card. Yes, u’re not the one who crumpled that rubbish but me. But u’re the one who left it all alone at somewhere u totally should know. Its not ur fault, no worries. The old story is nothing to fear of. Apa yang kau buat tu tak salah pun. U’ve ur right to do it. u’ve ur right not appreciate others. That’s ur right. And I’ve my right to state here that its not proper to do that. It hurts others feeling. Sepatutnya kau tawu mana nak expel benda tu. Tong sampah kat hostel or u can flush it off in toilet bowl. Somewhere yang aku takkan ada chances nak jumpa. At least aku tak tawu kalau kau buat macam tu kan. Aku tak tawu kau buat tu with intention or unintentional, tapi im very appreciate on that. It makes me gradually forget all the things about u. dengan hati yang ikhlas, terima kasih.

A few weeks left. I’ve started to try reading my notes. It works. It run smoothly, tiba tiba rasa suka membaca. Hopefy, still not so late. Ayem tanya bila nak naik stage. Kalau lah aku confidently cakap that this sem I will make it. bukan not confident enough tapi baru start baca notes then aku sendiri rasa loser sikit sebab paper apa yang masuk final pun aku tak tawu. Useless!

nota kaki: one day late in wishing you happy birthday, yet still remember yours and here happy belated-birthday capital hesh bee. yes, u deserve much more better.

dear ordinary girl, be strong!

whats wrong with me? kenapa aku ney huh. kenapa aku rasa macam tak selesa sangat dalam hati ney. kenapa aku rasa macam i need my mom a lot right now. aku rasa nak peluk mak aku kuat kuat taknak lepas. aku rasanak cium mak sampai mak rasa meluat. mak, nak mak. please take me home. mak, kenapa tiba tiba yong rasa nak nangis? shit, my tears start dripping. mak kita jumpa kejap sangat hari tu. malaysia days hols memang tak lama, tak dapat nak tido sama! mak, kenapa perlu rasa macam ney? homsik ker yong ney. nak cerita macam macam ngan mak. tapi tak tawu nak start dari mana and apa topik yang nak cerita. too lot to share. waktu senja senja kala ney jugak lah yang teringat kat mak. tiba tiba terasa jauh sangat pahang ngan perak. okay baru sedar diri yang pahang memang jauh ngan perak, 8 jam! kalau nak balik cuti suka suka tu memang kena pikir 3-4 kali.

seriously, i know that im in kinda homesick feeling! semua benda buat rasa tak menjadi. buat tu tak kena, buat ney tak kena. i've perform my solat, yet the feeling still the same. maybe aku tak kusyuk. terlalu pikir pasal mak. kalau lah mak kat sini, kat sebelah kolej ney jer rumah kita. kalau lah...

ain, i need you a lot. you're the closest sister to me. i need you to talk on something. where are u. why don't u call me back? kata jer nak call. tapi sampai sekarang tak call pun. aku nak balik. kenapa lama sangat nak tunggu raya haji? kenapa lama sangat..is it legal enough if i back to my hometown and never comeback again. kenapa kat sini jer yang ada decom? kenapa aku tak dapat tempat lain? kenapa? aku tak salahkan takdir, aku tak menyesal ngan apa yang jadi. tapi aku just tak why i keep thinking about this. why i keep thinking about my family a lot?

kali terakhir aku rasa cam ney masa 1st semester. dan itu memang patut aku rasa. sebabnya 1st time jauh ngan family. dengan tak kenal sape sape. rasa macam alone sangat. i need u mak. 

report BIS still not done yet. dan esok dah nak submit. memang malam ney kena pulun habis! dengan rasa tak selesa dalam hati. bila nak recover? i want my old me. i want my old me much! ya Allah, kenapa ngan hamba-Mu yang sangat hina ney? dear Lord, gimme a strength to stand still please.

last monday, last meeting my mak kat pekeliling dengan peluk cium. even aku keep repeating all the hugs and kisses. still rasa macam tak cukup cukup! can i have u right now 'cause i keep thinking about u.

and dear ez, why don't we study in a same college? u're the best buddy that i ever had. seburuk mana aku layan, sehina mana aku ignore, sebodoh mana aku diam, yet u still there by my side. still sabar dengar masalah, caci maki, blabbering, and all stupid thingy that popped-out out of my lips. kenapa tak dekat sini ngan aku sekarang? rasa macam nak peluk then nangis kuat kuat ngan kau.

dear hati, kenapa tak okay okay lagi? aku rasa sebab aku jumpa mak hari tu then that's why aku jadi mengada sangat macam ney. major loser! dear hati, please be strong. yes aku tawu kau jeles ngan kawan kawan kau yang leh balik every week and jumpa family but not you. not you dear hearty. keep calm please. u only have 1 year and few months to go. tak lama lagi dah. tahan lah tahan lah.

nak study dah takde semangat ney. please bring me home. i need no money, i just need my family right now. just say what u want to say, homesick or whatsoever. yet still yong nak balik perak then having a long hols! 

nota kaki: selamat jalan kepada dear opah. have a safe journey to tanah suci Makkah. selamat pergi, selamat pulang. im gonna miss u a lot. *tears* :')

retard pieces are flying around..

new chapter of my little journey in being tyra ismail. no more stupid tears, no more stupid minded, and no more stupid thingy. hey amir, thanks for the shoulders that u've lent to me. all the problems that u heard of, u're too nice for it. really appreciate that lil buddy. keep it tightly safe in ur pocket. the things that i've done on that darkest night ever. hopefy, thats the last night ever..it should be. yet still tak tawu the next and the next and the next day after all. berulang lagi ker benda tu? i don't think so. forget it.

2:00AM and still right in front of the capt toshiba's screen. miss u a lot or more? keep looking at you everyday. tak sempat nak rindu dah hadap uols lah capt. ecan dah tido melawat sakan si syamim bagai dah tu. aku nampak kau senyum can. hahah. eh totally start a new one fine day!

Six letters, two words, easy to say, hard to explain, and harder to do: move on :)

semalam aku gila lemah, semalam aku gila bodoh, semalam aku gila mengada, semalam aku gila jahanam. hari ney aku baru sedar, hari ney aku baru tawu, hari ney aku baru paham, hari ney aku baru terjaga, hari ney baru aku berfikir. waiting for someone is not my style. love someone too hard is not my style. desperate for someone is not my style. force someone doing something is not my style. praise someone too much is not my style. let someone treat me like a rubbish is totally not my style. fortunately, im awake in a gloomy evening. the dumbest things i ever done after all. let myself flowing in a stinky bank.

tomorrow might be a very blast day after all! no more a stupid part of me. that part is fucking suck. im not gonna miss you bitch! stay afar. i don't need you dear stupid tyra. oh my schizo pieces of me are slowly coming back. hey hamdan, i know u miss me a lot aite. hahah, see u're my die hard fan lah! nak sign kat mana? on your bloody ass? okay then, get me a permanent marker pen. i'll give my very best signature ever lol. im not megan fox, but will always be ur terribly annoying tyra monster. thats my real identity. geli much with tyra yang sickly weak!

6 kilos off? u're totally awesome aiman. ur diet run smoothly. wanna try lah. protein for a month. okay here i go. hahah. im working out for my very own eating style. oat for everyday. and its totally work. i love it. as u know lah kan, aku nak badan acah acah megan fox. gila hot. she's got six-pack too yaw! hahah ..sikit lagi nak macam tu? memang aminnnnn, alhamdulillah ..oh hohoho. kau stalk kat mana aku tak tawu but the statement is really killing me. sumpah nyaris aku tak menjerit! am i hot enough. oh im not good enough yet. *mirror reflection* hahahah

naik bas pukul 1030 but still nak update blog. well, its not good biarkan anak aku tak berjaga. i should give this little blog some words lah. to inspire jadi lagi matang macam aku. urghh aku dah merepek. got any idea to share here huh setan setan tetek tetek ?

nota kaki: salesgirl kat sasa ecm sumpah cun. friendly pulak tu. *suddenly saying*

Give my heart a little break.

nadya's:

"Hey girlfriend. What’s going on? Nampak tyra cm moody aje. Nadia ada buat salah ke? Nak tegur pun segan. You’re hiding sth izit? Well, I’m so sorry I’m doing wrong. Or maybe nadia ada terlepas pandang dkt assignment n group work kita. Mintak maaf lah. Sbb kepala nadia stress dgn personal pblem y sedia ada. Tp nadia cubalah tuk give commitment kat keje kita. Kan dh janji kita nak bjaya sama2. Nak aim pointer ssma. Nk share knowledge. Nadia dh janji tknak biar tyra sorg2 kalo ada mslh. Even dlm stdy pun. Test ke ape, kita share everything. Sbb nadia nk kita sama2 merasa success. Yeah, kita dlm dua alam berbeza. You have your own world instead of me having my dumby world. With no clues. I just go through. But I’ve nothing. You have everything. Good in stdy n etc. nadia mintak maaf lah kalo this sem, tkdpt bg komitmen cm dulu. Sbb terlampau busy. Stdy pun dah tak skrg. Itu nadia jadi blank. Risau. I just cnt stand if my bestie pretending to be happy. But you’re hurt inside. Idk. For me, I just grateful having you, friend. If I’m wrong, do correct me. :)"

momo's:

"Salam.. tyra.. whats wrong with u dear.? I know that u r not okay.. seriously rase risau n serba salah.. hm, did u angry with me.?? Org mintak maaf lah kaloorg ade wat salah pape kat tyra.. dlm keje group ke.. I know that I’m not a good partner, a good fren. . but I’m trying to be the best at ur eyes.. n nadia.. pemikiran n care kita tak same.. org mintak maaf kalau ape yg org bg slame ni lgsg tak membantu korang.. but believe me.. org risau sgt2 psl tyra. Org tau tyra bkn jenis yg nak cter mslah tyra kt org.. but please don’t be like this.. takot boleh effect kat study syg.. hm.. pape pon org montak maaf sgt2 atas smua salah n silap org.. maaf…"

A few texts received from my 2 dear darlings. Uols make me tears. Sekarang nampak sangat aku yang effect korang. Aku ingatkan korang tak perasan apa. Aku rasa aku dah sehabis baik tunjuk yg aku okay. Aku tak cakap apa2, aku tak show my dear tears dripping out my 2 lil eyes. Bur then uols still know what I feel about. Yes I’m not okay. But it’s not too bad sampai leh mendatangkan kematian. Im not going to commit suicide. Tak masuk syurga. Still waras lagi. Still tawu macam mana kehebatan syurga. Even mulut duk melucah tapi hati still lurus nak kearah syurga akhirat.

Nadya,

Why don’t we use ‘aku’ here. Hahah. Sorry for that words. Aku tak tawu why and why aku takleh nak guna ‘aku’ bila ngan kau. So let us just use you and I. yes, im not okay. But what should I say? Is it halal much to make u annoyed with my stupido problems? Dalam masa u pun ada masalah ngan diri sendiri, is it the same problem that uve told me before? Or it is a new one? I could share mine with u, I want to. But, just like what u said before in ur text kan yang u know me well. Im not that kinda girl yg too easy to reveal all the problems that Im facing on. Im not, nadya. Dear you, u did nothing wrong for me to correct on. Ure one of the best person I got as my lil dearest bestie. Yes u do nadya. Im not lying since I don’t know how to. U’re good enough! Yes, I would like to succeed with u by my side. I want u to excel in ur study, memang nampak lah sekarang nadya busy gila n im very understand on that matter. I less care about it, no worries. I will backup urs kalau ndya tak sempat or whatsoever lah. I will. U have me, tyra ismail. Ur lil queen dear lil princess.

Momo,

Seriously a lil shock once im reading your text! U did nothing wrong. Never once. U’re great enough. Rajin buat kerja then never once tak serious. Komitmen yang tinggi. Even u look childish, but u’re different dari apa yang nampak at the outside. U’re matured enough in making decision and settle up all the assignments things! U’re good in time management. Ada timetable bagai lagi, sedangkan iols tadop pun benda tu. Yes, I do have one but never follow it. hanya jadual pemakanan yang aku follow hari2. Memang dah lama nak share my problems with u but I feel some kinda malu. Tak tawu nak start dari mana dan macam mana. Maybe someday I will reveal mine jugak..maybe. u always asking me ‘awak okay?’ u should ask a different question lah sebab benda tu dah tawu apa jawapan dia. U know it well honey. Thanks for the cared that u shown on me. Im very appreciated that. After losing my 2 dearest friends last semester, I got no one to talk to. Yet still bersyukur sebab Allah masih bagi korang untuk tyra. I love uols mucho! Comolot sikit. Chup chup.

..with the presence of uols dear darlings!

 After a very deep thinking, im drilling down yaw..i think im going to settle up my old problems with dear E and A. yet still tak tawu bila tapi aku dah kuat enough nak confront to voice out my words untuk dorang. Aiman, we have no problems so I think we should start talking and cheer up ourselves. There is no problems between us, Aiman and tyra. We should to. I want to be a person yg professional. Aku digest semua buah pemikiran aku, and then I got the idea already. I want to clear up all the shitty thingy that I’ve done. Yes I know, I did wrong. A lot of mistakes have been done. Maaf pada yang aku buat taik selama waktu yang belakang2 ney. Aku gila, schizo, sakit jiwa, confuse, dan mengada. Aku patut think wisely dulu bukan sekarang baru nak pikir. Aku tawu a lot of things yang aku dah macam terlambat much untuk aku say sorry, but something is better than nothing aite. Hopefy dimaaf-ken. Pleasoooooo…….

Nota kaki: u better watch out, im going to hunt you seeking for forgiveness!

Nothing's gonna change my love for you.

Assalamualaikum..
baru jer baca blog dear eijat abdullah. yer aku sangat suka blog dia sebab the way dia story, kata lainnya writing style dia lah yang sangat aku adore. dia cool! dan aku memang suka entry dia hari ney. entry pasal crush. his rhythm of love. tajuk entry takleh blah. tajuk lagu blog dia, then memang thats my favorite song after all. haha. thanks eijat! inspired me a lot.

before bukak laptop ney, aku lepak ngan sir aliff kat depan rumah felo. memang caring lah sir. dia bukak klinik cinta bergerak. dan aku rasa macam sir is the right person to get any advices about love! seriously. dengan tips bagai dia bagi. saat ney, minit ney, jam ney, malam ney jugak aku mengaku sir aliff handsome plus awesome!

so balik-balik ney bajet ah kan nak update blog. pasang lagu crush pernah bagi. ambik feel sikit nak taip. malam-malam ney kan. feel kena ada. so, rasanya nak letak balik lagu tu kat blog. tapi yang acoustic version since aku rasa it sounds more flawless. actually, i listen to this song everyday. tak pernah skip even one day. aku gila?

dan sekarang aku tengah dengar lagu ainan tasneem entitled aku suka dia. some of the lyrics are totally true! some of them, not so all. dah tu ulang lagu crush bagi, sampai ngantuk. hari-hari buat benda yang sama. susah lah kalo dah jadi macam ney. aku dah sakit jiwa di KPMIM!

yes it is. memang aku pun tak tawu apa. all i know is im totally in deep love with him. aku rasa aku memang sayang kat dia dulu, tapi aku confuse dengan apa aku rasa. sometimes im fully-loaded with stupid thinking. idiot! aku tak pikir panjang, sucks sangat! apa aku tawu, aku takkan give-up. cukup lah sekali aku buat perangai macam tu.

adakah dia true love aku? aku pun tak tawu. before this i've never feel like this. tak pernah pulak aku segan-segan ngan orang. ney aku jadi weird ngan diri sendiri. aku leh segan ngan dia. err. sedikit geli-geli kat situ. tyra! u've changed. please don't be so gurly lah. *tunduk tengok bebo*

replaying Your Call acoustic version by Secondhand Serenade. tunggu sampai mengantuk baru tido. tadi Ecan ngan Ku tak abis-abis cakap pasal prom night. sorry lah dear gojes-gojes sekalian since aku tak confirm lagi leh join korang. aku tak kisah sangat kalau tak g, tapi pasal korang cakap nak beli dress memang aku kisah! aku nak jugak. *air liur dripping*

Nadia ngan Momo confirm tak g, so lagi lah rasa macam tak g pun takpe kot. just enjoy yours taw korang! lagi pun memang lama sangat korang tunggu, since first semester kan. ala, takpe aku still in a deep sayang kat korang. comolot sikit. chup chup :D

oh, tadi capital ey hesh dah dapat balik phone dia. punya happy muka kat test MPW. its great enough since u're class rep. pandang luar tingkap. teringat kat Effy. dia takde jiwa dia cakap. haha, schizo. aku? aku berjiwa tapi separuh jiwa aku dah pergi. dah pergi duduk kat jiwa capital hesh bee. i give u some soul okayy. heheks. so jangan sakit-sakit lagi naa.

test MPW tadi loser lah aku. y u no read wisely yesterday huh? siap g library bagai baca notes. haram nak lekat kat kepala. what were u thinking about huh? banyak tengok porn ney kot. haih. tapi aku tak tengok benda cam tu dah. aku jumpa something sweet lah kat wall bestie aku. dia shared photo. capital hesh bee, jom ~

#np Without You instrumental. sambil buat gedik pandang luar tingkap cari bulan. bulan takde pulak malam ney. bintang pun takde. apakah nasib. baru nak feel sikit. dear you, please masuk mimpi i malam ney boleh? *angkat kening kiri*

dari apa yang aku baca kat blog eijat tadi, haih memang susah sama macam apa kau cakap lah. susah. takpe aku try to overcome the problem. i have no idea sekarang tapi akan dapat 1 nanti. im very confident of myself. aku akan dapat dia balik! aminnn.

note to myself, not going to choose others. keep ur promise to stay with him. no matter what. even your ex-puppy love dah single sekarang dan someone else named Afiq from somewhere near to my house tengah hold. aku tetap nak capital hesh bee. so, dear capital hesh bee..its okay if you can't say something. just voice it out once u're totally ready. tak kisah lah sampai hujung semester. i'll be waiting :)

Rhythm of Love...

nota kaki: i've reserved a very special room just for you in my dear heart. just check-in anytime you want, but once you get into it..never think to check-out.

A lil thingy.

wolla kamu dan kamu. buenas tardes!

you're the reason i feel so alive.

some lil thingy i would like to voice-out here. you don't have to wonder why i need to share this lil thingy. some people might say yang some people buat blog sebab nak fame. tapi aku punya alasan tersendiri. aku memang suka benda-benda yang macam ney. something yang aku leh create comel-comel then share benda yang jadi kat aku tiap-tiap hari. rasa macam secure dan best sangat. ker aku jer rasa macam tu? 

someone out there might read my blog. someone out there might care about what have been done to me everyday. someone out there might want to know how my life is going on. someone out there might be someone that couldn't chill-up dengan aku lagi. someone out there might want to ask me something but they couldn't do that on some reasons.

that's why aku punya entry semua tahap kaki jer. semua karut jer pasal aku. pasal dia. dan mereka. macam apa yang aku pernah cakap sebelum ney, nak cakap ngan orang susah. means that when we got into some problems, where are we going to voice it out? whose the one yang kita nak grab untuk cakap yang kita ada masalah?

i'm not that kinda senang nak selesa ngan sesape. boleh jer cerita ngan sesape. totally bukan lah kan. yer, aku ada orang yang aku selesa nak cakap tapi aku rasa lain pulak, aku rasa cam taknak lah bebankan orang lain sebab masalah alah aku. so,since aku ade blog aku mengada lah ngadu kat sini. aku memang mengada okay. semua orang tawu. and i like..so what? hahah.

aku tahu ada orang yang care pasal aku kat luar tu. tapi dia tak bagitawu aku since dia segan or malu maybe. call me maybe? ahha ahha. it's okay my dear, u teruskan misi care u tu yer. i okay jer even u care senyap-senyap macam ney. dan satu kata - thankyou awak. care lah lagi. comolot sikit. chup chup. oh hohoohoho.

"tell me what you feel..tell me baby girl 'cause i need to know..."

someone out there might say something like that kan. dan aku tahu ada lah dia tu yang nak tanya something tapi tak tertanya-tanya sebab seriau plus seram ngan aku. it's okay, tak payah tanya. move on. keep calm and continue reading. lolololoo ~

reason terutama aku melahirkan baby blog yang super duper comel ney sebab aku nak cakap benda yang tak tercakap by mulut. segan maybe..maybe. malu. takut, tak berani, got no time, maybe sebab tu semua. so kalau aku guna blog kan ker senang. tak perlu cakap straightforward ngan someone, cakap kat sini. dia baca nasib lah. then aku akan rasa ada orang care kat aku. someone out there might read mine. keep reading my blog. cun ah korang, thankyou for those yang baca dan care pasal guwa. comolot sikit lagi. chup chup. LOL.

reason lain sebab aku tengok blog Ecan comel sangat. so, lepas  tu aku lagilah bersemangat nak comelkan blog. ecan! aku jeles ngan ang. pukui nak? hahah. ecan, malam ney datang tido kat katil aku. buat-buat sweet, esok ku pulak datang tido katil aku. boleh tara tu haa? hahahah. 

lagi....?

kalau kat luar aku maybe takkan nak story pasal apa yang aku dah share kat dalam ney. macam apa yang jadi ngan aku dan capital hesh bee. but i might wrote it on here. sebab aku sensorang kat sini dan nobody can't stop me from talking. apa aku rasa. 

some words might annoyed others, so dari annoyed dorang bila bercakap depan-depan baik aku cakap kat sini. kalau ada yang annoyed ngan apa aku cakap dia boleh click button blah dari blog ney. so aku still dah habis cakap even dia dah blah since entry is always done here. yet still thankyou sebab dah halfway read. still sayangyou. comolot sikit. chup chup. *schizo*

sekarang musim batuk, aku tengah batuk. musim makan, Haziq dah tembam. musim class, phone Amir kena rampas ngan Madam Spah (silent S). musim snap pictures, Rina mengada tepi Impian. musim sihat, makan oat hehari.

gubai uols. buenas noches! hasta luego. chup chup.

nota kaki: still in deep love with ....to be continued. oh hohohoho.

I'm single because I'm completely taken.

kau tahu aku mention pasal kau.

petang tadi aku leh tiba-tiba stalk all the texts given by my ex-boyfriend. dan aku sungguh lah tak sangka yang aku still simpan all the texts! aku just wandering all around the inbox and tadaaaa ..i found that. what a jerk. aku bukan lah tak suka tapi bila baca balik..memang banyak benda lah yang aku malas nak ingat dan aku harap dapat hilang ingatan pasal semua tu. aku rasa macam loser jer benda tu still ada. kenapa lah aku tak get rid all the texts before huh. bodoh tulen aku ney. dah jumpa tu pandai lah pulak mata ney mengajak mulut membaca sama. haih! dan baru aku sedar yang betapa banyak barang aku kat dia. the comics, phone simcard, phone charger, and so on ..barang yang aku sayang sangat tu comics lah ..nak mintak balik tak? sebab dia bukan guna pun ..how could i know? he told me before and u know what he did to my dear comics? dia bagi adik dia. dan adik dia sebaya adik aku darjah 4 dan seorang budak lelaki. bagi pulak komik budak perempuan dekat adik dia..haih. i want them back please.

actually tu bukanlah apa yang aku nak cakap malam ney, aku nak cakap pasal someone yang dear to me. dia memang dear. dear sangat. aku sayang dia lah. yes i am. so tak payah tanya banyak aku sayang ker tak, memang aku sayang. suka hatilah aku nak sayang dia ker tak, sebab aku yang nak sayang dia. dia tak suruh, aku nak jugak sayang dia. nak sayang dia sorang jer even dia tak tawu. tawu?

sila ingat ini dear kamu.

nothing's gonna change at all even dia macam tu, aku macam ney. biarlah, selagi aku boleh bagi dia masa dan dia rasa selesa ngan masa tu..i'm totally okay. sebenarnya macam ney, aku akan tunggu dia selama mana dia nak. selama mana dia perlukan masa. even lama dari yang aku jangka tapi kalau tu jer yang boleh buat aku dapat dia balik, aku boleh tunggu. aku dah make a promise so i think i have to keep that promise and try to make it into real.dengan ikhlas hati aku kata aku akan tunggu, aku akan stop tunggu hanya satu sebab jer..iaitu dia sendiri telling me that he already has another girl to move on. dan selepas itu aku totally akan move on jugak. tapi selagi aku tak dengar semua tu dari lidah dia, sorry to mention here that i won't trust all the rumors. 

i'm trying my best to give you the best. i will never talk to you if u don't feel comfortable with me. aku rasa muka dia akan jadi keruh once aku buka mulut nak cakap ngan dia, so the conclusion is aku akan cakap bila perlu. bila ada kerja and so on.

tadi tiba-tiba bukak inbox facebook sebab tiba-tiba rasa nak tawu since when aku leh inbox ngan dia then aku leh close ngan dia. dan memang aku nampak lah kronologi dia dari mula masa kami chat. mula dengan 'aku' 'kau', pertengahan 'org' 'nama' then akhirnya guna nama. tiba-tiba rasa awkward bila guna 'aku' 'kau'.

nama dia still disini, nampak sangat aku stalk dia before log-out facebook.

perlu ker tutup nama bagai? macam orang tak tawu jer dia sape.
bila loser nak hide, haih -,-

silalah jangan stop jealous since aku suka. haha. iols suka lah uols punya explanation! okay iols love and care uols more lah. *peace with schizo face*

masa cuti, kazen keep mentioning his name. bukanlah sebab aku pernah ngan dia tapi kazen cakap dia comel. comel ngat aih. memang dia comel pun, sebab dia my lil punching-bag. dush dush. abang tyra rindu ngat aih ngan adik punching-bag :)

dah lama sangat tak update blog menggila cakap pasal crush kat sini. yer disini. i don't know why, but once i start a story about dear dia ney, my lil cutie fingers ney can't stop typing. a lot of ideas keluar macam air paip pecah. dan aku pernah terfikir yang it is good enough if my final exam's seat is exactly behind his. he'll inspired me to make a good essay! 

tema foto: hunt :D

i wanna try to make something for him. benda yang aku pernah buat masa dulu kat zaman sekolah. something yang aku suka dan buat orang suka. i don't know if he like it or not. so, these days i keep thinking is it proper to do it. is it okay to treat him like that. wondering. so, i'm not even start one step pun aku rase. konon jer nak hunting, bait pun kau tak sediakan lagi Tyra! dan aku sebenarnya dah lah ada idea nak buat apa. bukan rasuah ker apa benda ney, tapi aku rasa nak buat sebab aku memang akan buat benda macam ney kalau aku sayang ngat aih kat orang tu. oh aku sayang kat dia rupanya *heart beats faster*

it's so easy to say..tapi bila nak buat! all i can do is attending class and leave class once it finished. loser! not so loser lah since aku punya aim nak 3++ this semester. dan satu lagi aim, pemburuan aku dapat diburu. aku memang keras kepala, aku nak dia nak dia nak dia lah. dah dia yang aku nak so dia jer. 

kadang-kadang rasa macam diri teruk sangat. dulu taknak, sekarang nak pulak. okay memang salah aku. aku memag teruk. betul lah ada ayat yang aku baca dua tiga kali sebelum ney yang bagi bunyi - kita takkan sedar betapa sayangnya kita kat dia, pentingnya dia kat kita sebelum kita merasa kehilangan dia. dan aku rasa dah cukuplah sekali ney aku rasa macam tu. degil sangat taknak dengar cakap bestie hold dulu then try to love him macam mana aku buat kat Ali dulu. am i too cruel? yer aku memang kejam aku tawu tu. you should take a gun and shoot me straight into my head!

tengok, why so long! sebab aku tak tawu nak stop macam mana bila cakap pasal dia ney. macam mana aku sayang dia lah. tak tawu nak stop macam mana dah. aku rasa aku boleh sakit jiwa dan dimasukkan ke rumah bahagia daerah tempat aku tu.

dan aku suka gambar ney sangat-sangat! why look so similar huh dear comel-comel sekalian? what say you dear readers..?

tengok tu, loser sangat.
atas tutup, bawah tayang. totally lame yaw!

dan itu adalah dear Adam Solehin juga dear dia lah. schizo lah uols ney Tyra -____-

nota kaki: kisah ini memang ade kena-mengena ngan orang yang masih hidup.