They'll never understand.

semalam. aku ada something nak meroyan semalam kat sini. tapi lepas bukak puasa, settle tanggungjawab apa semua langsung lupa apa story nya. kekenyangan maybe. bila waktu bukak puasa jer mesti ada cerita baru. disebabkan aku lupa, so aku delay la cerita tu. kot la hari nie ingat. dan before i had a deep sleep yesterday, aku pun teringat apa aku nak gebang sangat semalam.

hari ini. aku rasa cerita semalam macam lame sangat kalau aku nak sebut sebut. sebab semua tu were the cases happened during my last semester. but some people still bercakap cakap pasal tu. terasa sedikit bara bila aku dengar balik semalam. aku sabar. aku terus cuba ingat ingat ada tak ayat yang aku baca before nie yang boleh buat aku sedap sikit hati. and it is. one said that..

"People never remember the million times you've helped them, only the one time you don't."

so, i ignored it and continue playing game. i was playing game during that time. aku bukak puasa makan cekodok jer semalam, sambil tangan sibuk la pegang mouse main game semua. aku malas nak ungkit sebab that person asked me to never have a word about that thing since then. i didn't want any other problems so i put silencer on my lips. for what do you guess? aku taknak buang masa atas benda yang bangang macam tu effect study aku kat sini. but now what happen to the promise that we've made before? sape yang kepochi?

sedar diri dan muhasabah lah. aku tak pernah senang nak paham orang. semua orang ada kerenah, tapi this person is beyond the normal phase. sukar untuk ku mengerti. you used to be my inspiration. stop by there. titik.

2 messages received.

i opened them and read thoroughly. one from my ex-boyfie named syarani but dubbed as ali. while another one by unknown. raw number appeared at the screen. and it was celcom i bet since the initial number is zero one nine. Ali asked me to have my home address, why dude? nak post kad raya maybe. since home address is kinda confidential so it's a no-no respond. sorry for that. haaa that unknown one, i really don't get the idea on who the hack was that. i called, but no respond. sucha fool. tak reti nak tekan butang mana kot bila phone bunyi. let it be.

tadi. serious rasa lain macam. bersalah maybe kat aiman. budak budak retard nie kena kena kan aku ngan dia. dia nak cari sir syahid comel, dorang boleh bising bising sebut nama aku. awkward gila. dah la lama tak sembang ngan aiman. kind of complicated sikit ngan dia. then they make such noises in front of others. pity me.

aiman, sorry sebab tadi. budak budak nie memang retard. dorang tak bersalah sebab dorang bingung banyak. maafkan kami.

and dear truck voice owner, how i wish i can keep your voice in a magic bottle. so once i need it i will open up the cork and listen to yours.

The lost Alice.

wonderland is not a place that we can go easily. how about we just pay a visit? no way, it's totally a NO-NO situation since we ourselves can't prove it that the place is existed.

apa yang aku merepek nie. whatsoever. lets mingle around. together. lame!

hurm aku bukan Alice. dan sini bukan wonderland. aku Tira. dan sini Indera Mahkota. it's not so wonder. lalala.

i was eating my meal and it's break fasting moment when my roommate told me that those 3 divas kinda annoying ngan aku. what was my fault actually? i did nothing i guess since the day i met them. nothing. am i that annoying? my roommate said nothing, but still looking at me. takut la tu nak tambah lagi. geez!

she said that maybe those girls tak berapa selesa ngan aku punya air muka. hateful. kerek. berlagak. sombong. bajet. bagus. bla bla bla bla bla...

and i was like... what the f**k man! is it my fault that i was born with this kind of face? actually no one should be blamed on this thingy. it fated and i just love my look. so if you don't like me just don't look at me, we both will have a win-win situation. isn't it. 

this thing is not a new thing for me since whenever i go, everybody will mis-assume me. some people might say.. "Eh belagak nya budak nie. jeling jeling aku pulak. ingat lawa pandang aku macam tu."

others will say.. "Dia nie bukan boleh buat kawan. bajet. dia jer nak betul. konon bagus."

few people say.. "Dia nie cam interesting jer. nak try kenal laa. we're gonna be a good friend."

and it is RARELY words to be heard of. poor me.

so people, do know me first before you judge me. well anybody can judge me, i can't resist it. but how about you approach me first and make a brief assumption on who is the real me. boleh? :)

yes, i'm not a picture perfect. yet i'm still can cherish your day with my imperfect. you know what, i'm kinda retard and my friends really love my retardness. yes i know that we don't have that 'retardness' vocab in dictionary. well it's mine. it's my vocab. extra..you may learn lotsa new vocab when you befriend with me.

and hey you outa here. yes, you. the one who is reading this. approach me first and get to know me well, so that i can paint a happy smile on your face like every day.

in a nutshell, i love my monsterous arrogant face since no one like it. it's rare and i love to be different.

some words from me at very first day of class..

"I really don't know how to make friends. But once they befriend with me, they surely will love me."

and it's true. i never lied.

i've said it previously. trust no bitch, but trust me.

One particular night.

teaser

A bright room. In my room. Hostel.

Silent. there is no raindrops sound and i'm sitting on my red bed holding little strawberry pillow while typing this. my roommate, ecan was about to go to the bathroom when i looked at her. she opened the door and zooooshhhhhhh! the sound was so smooth but strong.

what was that? I thought it was nadia and kayan pulling their stuff from the other block.

No babe, it's raining outside. and i moved my head to the window and my hand touched the window to open it, so that i could see it clearly. is it raining?

yes, it's raining outside. it's not just raining. we got wind that come together with the rain.

i smiled and closed the window. back to the seated-place before and continue typing. it's raining outside. Alhamdulillah.

few mins thinking on what do i have to write right here. i'm paused.

looking at the curtain hanging at the window. i intend to look outside the window and enjoy the raindrops...it was my first intention. unfortunately, the curtains hung became a barrier. i'm paused..again.

mak ayah

my head turned to the left, and my sight touched the wall. it was a calendar hung at that wall. my parent's photo was clipped at the calendar. that smile. that smile painted on mak and ayah faces make me calm. my feeling is fragile. and i'm homesick.

some sounds and light yellow light showed-up from the phone. why babe? what happened to you. nah, it was battery. my phone battery is low. no credit also. pity me.

i've erased my whatsapp account for the sake of my money. i want to be thrifty. so, it's gone..with the memories.

ouh, today ed inbox me on facebook. i'm kind of shocked. happy at the same time for sure. he still remember me. but, did he miss me? i'm curious. question with no answer. i didn't ask him about it. i let him to start the conversation and i respond. he's still at his granny place which is at Pakistan. he'll be there until Eid.

tonight is my second night at my new room. my roommates and i moved from our old room as we're not comfortable with the surrounding. it was my very first time felt insecure doing my laundry alone at toilet. i'm talking about my old room. my old room situated at another block, the block is at the back of the hostel. the most precious thing that i still feel bad to leave is its window view.

the view from the window is fascinating. we could watch sunrise moment in every morning. it was so beautiful and i impressed with the view. i have snapped some photos so that i can look at it if i miss that moment.

as i said previously that tonight is my second night here, it's happy to be here. the room is nearer to the toilet and my bestfriends also living at the next door.

but, i couldn't fell asleep last night. i feel something is not right and it was creepy when i think about it again. i scared. as i felt that way, i put myself in my black blanket. i moved my body close to the wall and hug my little strawberry pillow tightly. that's the way if i want to make myself secure with the situation, move your body close to the wall. i felt asleep then.

and it's still raining outside. i open a new tab and google up my facebook account. checking my notifications and sign out. what more to do? i have to end up this post and publish it before make a move to the toilet and prepare for sleep.

new sems, new faces, new surrounding.

I don't have the courage to update a new blogpost, but suddenly I went to my crazeyh sista ecansenpai's blog and reading her new post about our old room. me is so sad when the post arrived at the pindah pindah part.

lotsa stories to tell and to share. just got no time, great tyra u're just know how to lie aite. actually i got lotsa times and it's nothing when thinking about updating this little blog..ouh how can I don't have any time for it. updating it is as easy as abc. hurm, I just don't have the courage to type. that's the real thing babe.

since i've begun my new semester on last few weeks, so u must have some ideas about what i wanna share. room, college, class, and even classmates stuff are listed in my "must-have" bloglist. cliche..

for the time being i'll hold the post about my room and my bed which is my territory since my pal ecansenpai has updated hers, i want to share about others first. college? it's okay. nothing special. class? just nice. the timetable is not so pack. still got masa yang lopong lopong untuk take a nap. hiiii.

how about classmates thingy? yeay. this is just amazing. finally aku dan beberapa org kawan lagi terpisah dengan classmates lama. you're confuse isn't it. why does it seem like i'm that happy. ehem ehem. the real happy moment is not about pisah pisah matter, tapi bila dapat classmates baru. new environment or surrounding that might gimme some opportunity to challenge myself to communicate in front of a different people. dah 4 semester bercakap dan present sth depan orang yang sama, macam tak challenging sebab dah selesa.

i'll be missing amir like alot. he'd inspired me to talk confidently in front of people. he convinced me that everyone is just a same with any other and nothing to fear of. thanks amir! :) fortunately, i met some people yang boleh dijadikan competitors dalam class baru. kalau dulu, fateh. memang takleh nak lawan, he's too good to beat. tapi dah selesa ngan dia dah tak rasa apa ngan dia, tak rasa insecure pun. this is the major reason that i really like my new class. ouh yer, i met someone too. hey aku suka kot suara dia. truckey-voice. yes it is. aku suka suara dia. suara truck. rare!

what more? ouh sekarang nie aku nak asah bagi tajam tajam skill komunikasi aku. aku nak fluent and confident bila interact ngan orang. i wish i will be one before my muet test, before my practical term..and bla bla bla. aminnn...

ouh sekarang bulan puasa kan, so happy ramadhan.

post takat nie jer mampu. maghrib dah. kbye.