i don't have the idea on what i'm gonna talk here, the feeling is strong to say something. but, i think this medium of blog thingy is not a safe one anymore to say anything that keep playing in my mind. blergh! lotsa things keep wandering around my mind. almost every each sec! i want to voice it out, but it's too private. no, it's not private pun senanye. it seems like i'm kinda uncomfortable to say it here.
ouh my syns! whats wrong with me huh. seriously, why the hell are you thinking of others. this is not a real you. lame! totally noob. numb. lump. goose. stfu!
kesialan happened dah nie haa. what more huh. percayalah, bahawa dalam ketidak tahuan ingin berkata apa apa ini akan bercambah benih benih ayat dan seterusnya menjadi sebuah karangan biografi yang sangat panjang. trust me, i'm syns gates' girl. ouh 40+ more days left! and i'm gonna get my ass off this college for my semester break. and this semester is not so hectic because it is so hectic. i got 2 papers only on my final exam. the rest are having no final paper since they're more to assignments. speaking, writing, report, event management, charity, lotsa things like that. bla bla bla.
after all, aku akan mati kejang sebelum dapat merasa jejak kaki kat Bora-Bora Island. after having some calculation during recess time previously, aku dah kira kira semua tolak tambah kali bahagi, i have to work harder on this semester! even aku dapat kan 4 rata semester nie, aku punya cgpa still tak cecah dekan. dapat la takat 3.2 something. tu pun kalau aku dapat 4 rata. 4 rata tu memang macam payah jer nak merasa kalau tengok kan cara aku sekarang nie.
assignments bergunung ganang, satu pergi satu mari. tak sempat nak petik petik dah. i wasted lotsa times before, oup no! everyday and today. still here, laying on the bitchy bed updating some random thinking. this is how immature people walk their life. chilling everyday with no sense of worry. kinda a lil bit of worry. kinda, ouh.
disebabkan dah merepek terlalu panjang sampai dah masuk perenggan enam nie, aku sambung jer lah ke sebuah kisah pada suatu hari. kisah benar ini berlaku tiba tiba tanpa aku sedari. sinetron lapan malam bermula. actually aku teringat soalan kutek kat aku masa dalam kelas madam non tadi,
"Wey tyra, hang nak kawen ngan dingdang ka?"
dan aku mula terpikir, aku nak ker. memang pernah pikir pun sebelum nie, what will happen then if i get married with someone like that. i just can't thinking properly. yes, nothing was wrong with that thingy. tapi sebagai seseorang yang cuba berfikiran waras menggunakan 9 nafsu dan 1 akal, no way. there is no way to make this thing real, i mean this relationship is not gonna work out! but why the hell. jangan lah choosy sangat tyra. no, it's not about choosy. it's all about something more important than the title of kawen tu sendiri.
cemnie story dia yang aku duk pikir pikir. memang dia duduk sini dah, memang dia okay jer. yang tak okaynya family. dia lain, family aku lain. mak pak dia mesti speaking likat piau punya. mak pak aku pulak melayu tulen. dah tu gane nak communicate. i told you, there will be no neither interaction nor communication. it's a fail. so how can i survive? no, i can survive since i speak that language even not so fluent. i just can't take any risk beyond. ya, yang kawen aku bukan family aku. no, pada aku kalau dah kawen tu family kita sekali kita bawak sama. macam mana nak bina hubungan baru, saudara baru kalau family pun takleh nak get along.
nak kata suka, memang suka jer kat dingdang nie, dah muka sama seacuan dengan crush zaman kelas tambahan dulu. bezanya yang dulu tu bukan Islam la, dia Singh. hari hari gi class memang duk usha dia jer la. sumber inspirasi, kira masa tu memang rajin la datang class even class boring tahap lahanat. aku ingat aku jer perasan muka dia sama dengan Sunil, last last kawan kamcing aku pun duk kata muka dia familiar. aku tanya sape agak agak. Sunil ker, hahaha memang dia kata terus eh nie bukan Sunil ker. retard, mana nak korek dah gambar Sunil. nie kira Sunil 2.0. I don't know why i have to meet this boy. muka sama pulak tu. adakah ini yang dikatakan fated to each other? mohon kerat 14.
dan aku seraya berkata kepada kutek bahawasanya. tak, aku taknak. actually with hesitation kat situ. aku cakap aku boleh paling hebat pun couple jer lah. the reasons are all stated. family come first, benda benda cemnie boleh datang kemudian. dan aku bukan dalam phase mencari lagi. i don't know why, tapi aku belum sedia lagi nak stay dalam satu hubungan yang serious. no, i'm not yet.
nak kata aku tak minat kat laki, macam tak jer since memang bedozen aku minat. tapi semua takat suka gegitu jer. dua tiga minggu lepas tu suka orang lain pulak. feeling nie kekejap jer dia main. minggu nie suka dia, 3 minggu lagi orang tu. so, aku tak boleh nak static kata dialah pilihan aku sekarang and i have to work on that thing! takde sorang pun yang bagi aku feeling suka tahap gegila sampai aku sendiri nak pegi jumpa kata aku suka kamu sangat sangat. takde. sebab dunia sekarang nie laki segak kat mana mana jer. dan sekarang i'm not into segak dah, aku suka bila dia tu nanti boleh buat lawak ngan aku. kira pass dah. dan itu sesungguhnya payah. but this dingdang has both. dan aku just can't pick him, i know that you can find someone much better and perfectly suit to you. yeah, kau hot dingdang. aku jer malas nak admit kata kau hot bila kau tanya. pffft!
dan aku merasakan sangat lah lain macam bila cakap guna mothertongue kat sini. bukan apa, macam pelik sebab dah selalu duk update guna bahasa dehake. sigh. semua sebab takut dingdang jumpa nanti dia baca, payah aku. mati keras nak jawab satu satu. baik dia jumpa pun tapi tak paham since aku tau dia bukannya rajin nak translate pulak. nak letak gambar pun tak boleh since nanti dia jumpa ker nanti, kantoi duk sembang pasal dia. ayayai.
aku harap aku masih normal.
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