You need to care. Could you?

pagi pagi lagi dah kena tegur dengan madam pah. macam kena cucuk cucuk jer hati. senak jiwa aku. memang dah agak kena present first group. dah agak sangat. frankly speak, memang aku sendiri pun tak puas hati dengan tahap presentation aku. minggu nie memang banyak task ngan assignment kena siapkan. aku settle kan proposal semua dulu baru start buat task madam pah. cuba bagitau aku bila masa nak baca point by point at the slide briefly? sampai pukul 2 jugak la buat slide, cari info walhal JDT. tak larat nak baca sampai lewat pagi lagi. segan dengan classmates sebab kena marah macam budak sekolah. tak pandai nak introduce groupies. aku pun rasa aku ting tong jer macam introduce main tunjuk tunjuk. serious rasa macam fool. malu tak bagi my best. serious malu. humph. i'm kind of sorry madam, it was unintended. i'll never do it again.

something has changed. teacher tira in making is not a kind of it anymore. teacher tira can't teach lil kids since teacher tira doesn't have that qualification. humph. aku kena tukar tempat LI aku sebabnya aku takde kelayakan nak mengajar. tahap diploma jer lagipun kan. so, few days before i asked my aunt was her company where she's working is available for training student. unfortunately, it wasn't. takpe la. 

so where do i have to go? i chose MPH bookstore. one of my roommates, azim called the HR and asked lotsa things..and finally i just grab that opportunity and pick that place as i had no time to think other places. mana?

MPH Mid Valley.

This is where i hope that i can be there for the first three months next year. disebabkan kat Mid Valley, so aku memutuskan untuk stay dengan emok sedaghe. naik train pegi Mid Valley. meet up dengan azim dekat KL Sentral. tak tau nak cakap apa, sebab i'm not so excited when talking about this practical thingy. aku takut aku tak boleh survive, takut tak boleh nak adapt.

resume baru jer submit tadi, dapat pengesahan semua dari sir aliff terus direct jumpa encik azhari submit resume bagai. next week bila dapat approval terus email kat MPH. hopefully that the two of us can be in a same place. tak awkward sangat nanti nak mula keja.

bila semakin membesar nie, aku rasa macam lagi payah jer nak stay alive successfully. banyak tanggungjawab nak kena hadap. study jauh lagi senang. aku dah penat bila pikir pikir.

kerja? i wish that i could turn back and return to the old days.

They'll never understand.

semalam. aku ada something nak meroyan semalam kat sini. tapi lepas bukak puasa, settle tanggungjawab apa semua langsung lupa apa story nya. kekenyangan maybe. bila waktu bukak puasa jer mesti ada cerita baru. disebabkan aku lupa, so aku delay la cerita tu. kot la hari nie ingat. dan before i had a deep sleep yesterday, aku pun teringat apa aku nak gebang sangat semalam.

hari ini. aku rasa cerita semalam macam lame sangat kalau aku nak sebut sebut. sebab semua tu were the cases happened during my last semester. but some people still bercakap cakap pasal tu. terasa sedikit bara bila aku dengar balik semalam. aku sabar. aku terus cuba ingat ingat ada tak ayat yang aku baca before nie yang boleh buat aku sedap sikit hati. and it is. one said that..

"People never remember the million times you've helped them, only the one time you don't."

so, i ignored it and continue playing game. i was playing game during that time. aku bukak puasa makan cekodok jer semalam, sambil tangan sibuk la pegang mouse main game semua. aku malas nak ungkit sebab that person asked me to never have a word about that thing since then. i didn't want any other problems so i put silencer on my lips. for what do you guess? aku taknak buang masa atas benda yang bangang macam tu effect study aku kat sini. but now what happen to the promise that we've made before? sape yang kepochi?

sedar diri dan muhasabah lah. aku tak pernah senang nak paham orang. semua orang ada kerenah, tapi this person is beyond the normal phase. sukar untuk ku mengerti. you used to be my inspiration. stop by there. titik.

2 messages received.

i opened them and read thoroughly. one from my ex-boyfie named syarani but dubbed as ali. while another one by unknown. raw number appeared at the screen. and it was celcom i bet since the initial number is zero one nine. Ali asked me to have my home address, why dude? nak post kad raya maybe. since home address is kinda confidential so it's a no-no respond. sorry for that. haaa that unknown one, i really don't get the idea on who the hack was that. i called, but no respond. sucha fool. tak reti nak tekan butang mana kot bila phone bunyi. let it be.

tadi. serious rasa lain macam. bersalah maybe kat aiman. budak budak retard nie kena kena kan aku ngan dia. dia nak cari sir syahid comel, dorang boleh bising bising sebut nama aku. awkward gila. dah la lama tak sembang ngan aiman. kind of complicated sikit ngan dia. then they make such noises in front of others. pity me.

aiman, sorry sebab tadi. budak budak nie memang retard. dorang tak bersalah sebab dorang bingung banyak. maafkan kami.

and dear truck voice owner, how i wish i can keep your voice in a magic bottle. so once i need it i will open up the cork and listen to yours.

The lost Alice.

wonderland is not a place that we can go easily. how about we just pay a visit? no way, it's totally a NO-NO situation since we ourselves can't prove it that the place is existed.

apa yang aku merepek nie. whatsoever. lets mingle around. together. lame!

hurm aku bukan Alice. dan sini bukan wonderland. aku Tira. dan sini Indera Mahkota. it's not so wonder. lalala.

i was eating my meal and it's break fasting moment when my roommate told me that those 3 divas kinda annoying ngan aku. what was my fault actually? i did nothing i guess since the day i met them. nothing. am i that annoying? my roommate said nothing, but still looking at me. takut la tu nak tambah lagi. geez!

she said that maybe those girls tak berapa selesa ngan aku punya air muka. hateful. kerek. berlagak. sombong. bajet. bagus. bla bla bla bla bla...

and i was like... what the f**k man! is it my fault that i was born with this kind of face? actually no one should be blamed on this thingy. it fated and i just love my look. so if you don't like me just don't look at me, we both will have a win-win situation. isn't it. 

this thing is not a new thing for me since whenever i go, everybody will mis-assume me. some people might say.. "Eh belagak nya budak nie. jeling jeling aku pulak. ingat lawa pandang aku macam tu."

others will say.. "Dia nie bukan boleh buat kawan. bajet. dia jer nak betul. konon bagus."

few people say.. "Dia nie cam interesting jer. nak try kenal laa. we're gonna be a good friend."

and it is RARELY words to be heard of. poor me.

so people, do know me first before you judge me. well anybody can judge me, i can't resist it. but how about you approach me first and make a brief assumption on who is the real me. boleh? :)

yes, i'm not a picture perfect. yet i'm still can cherish your day with my imperfect. you know what, i'm kinda retard and my friends really love my retardness. yes i know that we don't have that 'retardness' vocab in dictionary. well it's mine. it's my vocab. extra..you may learn lotsa new vocab when you befriend with me.

and hey you outa here. yes, you. the one who is reading this. approach me first and get to know me well, so that i can paint a happy smile on your face like every day.

in a nutshell, i love my monsterous arrogant face since no one like it. it's rare and i love to be different.

some words from me at very first day of class..

"I really don't know how to make friends. But once they befriend with me, they surely will love me."

and it's true. i never lied.

i've said it previously. trust no bitch, but trust me.